Pseudo-relationship

Almost like a relationship, but not quite. It is a phase where the persons involved are more than friends, but not quite lovers. Puwedeng may verbal agreement, puwedeng wala. One or both of you may have admitted your feelings, possible din na hindi. You just let your gestures do the talking for you. Walang pormal na ligawan na nangyari. Hindi kayo. Pero sa kilos niyo, sa mga sinasabi niyo, parang kayo, pero hindi.

This kind of “relationship” can happen at different stages for different reasons. It can happen after a break-up. You still love each other, and you want to be with each other but you broke up for a reason. And for reasons that you alone know, ayaw niyo na muna magkabalikan. It can also happen before a relationship, iyong pareho kayong nakikiramdam. Possible din na ayaw niyo munang mag- seryoso kaya kunwa-kunwarian lang muna. Testing lang. (tama ba un?!) Puwede ring hindi puwedeng maging kayo kasi isa sa inyo may ka-relasyon na. Kaya habang hindi pa siya nakikipag-break doon sa boy/girl, wala muna kayong relasyon para nga naman hindi siya nangangaliwa kasi “hindi naman kayo.”

This pseudo-relationship stage, for a time, can be fun. Lalo na kung naghahanap ka lang naman ng kalaro pero huwag ka lang mag-e-expect na may patutunguhan kayo kase wala talagang kasiguraduhan.

So bakit ang daming nagse-settle sa ganitong set-up ganoong hindi naman sigurado kung may patutunguhan? Iba’t ibang dahilan. Puwedeng for fun lang. Puwedeng “buti na iyan kesa wala”. Meaning, habang wala pa yong the real thing, doon muna sa kunwa-kunwarian. For those who are not in a serious relationship, they would think that pseudo-relationship is better than no relationship at all. It would be fun, if all you’re after is that “kilig” feeling.

But then I learned that although it was only a pseudo relationship, the emotions were real. And usually, in this kind of set up, merong malulugi.. “ung nainlove sa taong taken na..”

Una, you can’t ask him/her to commit. Since it’s not really a relationship, you can’t demand commitment from your partner. Ano ba kayo? You will always be uncertain about your role in his/her life. You can’t expect him/her to be always there with you. And if you feel jealous of the other boys/girls, you just have to keep it to yourself. Ano ka ba niya para magselos?

Pangalawa, what if you fall deeply in love with him/her? You can’t be sure if he/she feels the sameway. Baka nag-a-assume ka lang na mahal ka rin niya. Even if you are dying to tell him/her you love him/her, you can’t. Because you’re not sure if he/she will like it. Baka mapahiya ka lang. This stage will always make you wonder where you are in the relationship. Or if there is a relationship at all.

Pangatlo, what if you become attached too much? What if you have invested all your emotions and this man/woman hasn’t? What if you remain faithful to him/her, not entertaining other guys/gals, only to find out that he/she is seeing other girls/boys? Isa pang downside ng pseudo- relationships, it is fleeting. When a disagreement sets in, or when one of you gets cold, then that would be the end of it. Unlike in a serious relationship, hindi mo alam kung saan ka lulugar sa isang pseudo-relationship. Wala kang pinanghahawakan. Kasi sa pseudo- relationship, there is no “us.” Meron lang “you and me,” but not “us”.

Naka-relate ka ba?